The Goddess of Chaos

Home...

Wed, 02 Jun 2004 15:31:00 GMT

Not that this place is home to me, but it was good to be back. Things in Texas went better than I had expected. I was ready for screaming and yelling the whole time I was there. We did have an arguement the first night I was there, but things calmed down after that. It was odd to see Johnny again after having been gone for so long. I hope we can continue to get along ok.
The boys have grown soooo much! They are doing really well here, and seem to be enjoying themselves. I love having them here. I love going to the park. I love playing blocks, and giving baths, and playing hide-and-seek trying to ignore the giggling that makes it obvious where they are. I have missed this so much.

Sun, 09 May 2004 12:33:48 GMT

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mamas!

kinda cool...

Thu, 06 May 2004 22:15:04 GMT

Your True Nature by llScorpiusll
Username
The quality that most appeals to you:	Courage
In a survival situation, you:	Fight, but reluctantly
Your hidden talent is:	Spiritual wisdom
Your gift is:	Sexual prowess
In groups, you:	Are the center of attention
Your best quality is:	Your sense of humour
Your weakness is:	Your laziness

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Tue, 04 May 2004 15:36:51 GMT

I got promoted yesterday, I am now an E-3, or PFC. Not that anyone understands or cares to, but its a small pay raise, and one more step up the ladder.
Things have been going pretty well, I leave in two weeks to go pick up the boys, and I am nervous and excited. Hope all goes well...

an update no one will understand but me....

Wed, 28 Apr 2004 19:00:04 GMT

I am going to a mock board today in preparation for the "real" board soon. I dont want to. I am also going to a "dining out" this friday. I dont want to. We have to wear class A's, and its this formal dinner thing. Yeah. I get to get all dressed up in uncomfortable clothes, and have dinner by myself surrounded by people I spend most of the week trying to avoid. Sucky.

Yay!!!!

Fri, 23 Apr 2004 21:26:45 GMT

Looks like I will be getting the boys in the end of May, and I will get to keep them till the end of September, possibly even through the end of October. Yay!! I will finally get to see my boys, and I will have enough time with them for them to get to know me again. Things are finally looking like they will get better now.
Baby John had his surgery for the tubes in his ears this morning, hope everything goes well with that. There wont be any problems with him flying now, and I will see them both soon!

God doesn't love you anymore...

Tue, 20 Apr 2004 20:23:25 GMT

I dont usually go all political, but this bothered me enough to post it.
www.excommunicatekerry.com
There are people who are petitioning to have him thrown out of his church, and have a whole website devoted to doing it. What happened to religious freedom? How can you tell someone, "I'm sorry but we don't like you, and we want you to stop praying to our God now."
Our society depresses me...

Taken from Technoboggan-

Thu, 15 Apr 2004 20:55:41 GMT

THREE THINGS I AM WEARING RIGHT NOW
* combat boots
* dog tags
* BDU's

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK
* pictures of my kids
* a ton of medical records I should be working on right now...
* a collection of pens, pencils, etc.

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
* get to know my kids again
* visit my Dad in Norway
* get my teaching certificate and have my own class

THREE GOOD WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY
* easy-going
* mellow
* some what anti-social (is that good?) or quiet

THREE BAD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY
* insecure
* very indescisive
* no sense of humor

THREE PARTS OF MY HERITAGE
* Irish
* Scottish
* Welsh

THREE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
* my eyes
* my legs
* my smile

THREE THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
* my hair
* my stomach
* my stretch marks

THREE THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME
* I have a hard time making descisions
* I actually enjoy marching in formation
* I love music, but have no talent for it myself

THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST
* "yes, SGT"
* "I'll have that done by close of business today"
* "can I get back to you on that?"

THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO
* home
* Norway
* always wanted to go to Greece and India

THREE NAMES THAT I GO BY
* Molly
* hey,soldier
* the one people call me most often now "Rhodes"

THREE SCREEN NAMES I HAVE HAD
* chaosgoddess
* maresulubrium
* brackish (waaaaay long ago when I was in high school)

Explanation of why life is sucking-

Tue, 13 Apr 2004 00:51:03 GMT

I had planned to go to Texas since October when they went there. I agreed to let Johnny's family have them till this spring, they had never seen the baby, and hadnt seen Justice since 2001. Quite awhile. And it gave me time to save up for a car, which I now have, and get a place for us to live, which I have had since January. My leave was a permissive TDY for family movement. Which means I was going down for the sole purpose of picking up the kids, with the army's blessing, and they were paying for it.
Problem-
Johnny and I are not divorced yet, I tried they sent the paperwork back. He and I and the boys were all living in different states, no state had jurisdiction. We both have legal custody. But afew weeks ago, he moved to Texas, and is living with his mom, and the kids. He now, because he lives there, has physical custody. Legally, if I want to, I can take the boys. We both have the exact same legal rights. But he lives there. If show up to get them all he has to do is not open the door. Or physically not let me put them in the car to drive them to the airport.
So, no, I dont have my kids. Who knows when I will have my kids. Divorces take a long time, especially when they are nasty, and we are both wanting custody.
So basically, even though I made plans long ago, and have been helping financially support the kids all this time, his moving there means I have no idea when I will see my kids again.
Yes, I am bitter. I will freely admit that. I am dissappointed and depressed. I miss my kids, I havent seen them for a year. Today is Justice's birthday. Lawyers are fucking expensive, and I feel like giving up.
In hindsight, I should have gone to get them immediately instead of letting his family have them for so long. A mistake I will regret forever, and can do nothing to change.
I am not saying he is evil, I am just saying I am hurt and miss my kids.

Mon, 12 Apr 2004 03:04:37 GMT

I should have been in Texas this weekend. I should have been with my kids right now. I should have been happy.

Wed, 31 Mar 2004 06:11:08 GMT

Ummmm....this may sound stupid, but why is Johnny in Texas now?
I go to pick up the boys in ten days and bring them back here to live with me. I am really hoping he is not planning on trying to stop me. I havent seen the boys but for two weeks out of the past year. Do not try to stand between a mother and her children. I am finally getting them back.
What happened? Why is doing this now?

interesting...

Sat, 13 Mar 2004 18:31:44 GMT

Take the What House of the Night Court do you belong to?
quiz, and visit euronyme.com.

Ha! Contrary to popular belief...

Mon, 23 Feb 2004 00:21:16 GMT

Heart of Crystal

What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

Warning- this will be long and somewhat whiney

Tue, 17 Feb 2004 11:51:26 GMT

I am hoping this ends up more vent-ey than whiney, but I am making no promises. Haven't posted in who knows how long. Where shall we start? Groundhogs day. I *hate* Groundhogs day. None of it has anything what so ever to do with large rodents, but its a long story. The only redeeming part was when I was given an " I hate Groundhogs day" present by someone who actually remembered that I do and why. Which was cool.
The day after Groundhogs day. Had my wisdom teeth taken out. Which is odd, as every other dentist I've been to in my life has told me I dont have them. Its hereditary on my mothers side not to. But I guess I had them on that day, or dentists just like excuses to cause people pain. Then I got dry socket. Which is where the big hole in your mouth that used to have wisdom teeth in it loses the bloodclot that was protecting the bone the dentist exposed in order to cause you pain. So now you would just have exposed bone that hurts like hell, and spend the next two weeks in a drug induced haze. And then the strep throat happens. Yea.
Valentines day. Went dancing. That was fun, had not gone out dancing since New Year's Eve. So not the best Valentines Day ever, but I've definitley had worse.
Finally finished the 27, yes 27 boxes of laundry that were in the shipment of household goods that came up here. Thats a lot of freakin' laundry. And money. Coin op laundry sucks. And most of it was stuff the boys have outgrown, so it got washed and given to Goodwill. I realize other people can use it, but it seems like such a waste of money to wash clothes just to give them away. But since its all done and given away and out of the house, I have finally got the boys room set up and organized. Not much longer now. I will get them just in time for Justice's 4th birthday.
Got a box of Christmas/birthday from Holly which rocked. I now have more music than Napster. And chocolate, and the happy bunny. Who loves to hate, and is adorable.
And my lame self keeps looking at the package I meant to send her two months ago thats sitting on the counter collecting dust... you may end up getting it by *your* birthday hon. The post office is far away, and I have no car. I'll get to you someday, I promise.
Then today...
Spent sunday and monday and early morning tuesday being on call for the hospital. Got called in tonight for an emergency LifeFlight. So, as its my job to do so, I called the company that the Army has a contract with to come pick up the patient and fly her down to Anchorage. They usually land at the airport. But as this was a kinda special case, they wanted to land on our airfield. Ok, I can find someone who can authorize that. So as I am in the process of setting a flight crew here on emergency alert, and notifying our airtraffic control tower to get ready to land a lear jet on our strip, and making sure we can even *do* that, (control said, "uh, sure. we should be able to do that... I think. Well, we'll go ahead and give it a shot anyway.") Oh good.
Then I get a call from a rival air evac. company saying they are landing at the airport in 15m. is the patient ready? Evidently the recieving docter at the civilian hospital decided to try to coordinate this on his own, and not tell anyone here that he was doing it. How pissed am I. I spent all night in the hospital, waking up half of Aviation to get them ready to recieve a jet that I ended up having to turn back to Anchorage. And how pissed are they. I hate arrogant doctors.
Ok, this is far to long now, and definitly whiney, so off I go. Sleep is good. Unless I get called in again...So tired...

Fri, 30 Jan 2004 03:20:44 GMT

create your own visited states map
or write about it on the open travel guide

Sat, 24 Jan 2004 03:39:26 GMT

I hate moving. Movers have no respect for other peoples belongings, proven by the fact that almost every item that *could* be broken, even if it would require some considerable effort, was. Whoever taught these people how to pack,(*why* would you pack a box one half full of books, and the other half full of things made of glass?) should be shot. Repeatedly.

I think I have perfected my maniacal laughter...

Mon, 12 Jan 2004 20:10:27 GMT

Ok, so I am moving out of the barracks this friday. After much stress, strife, and afew other choice words beginning with s. Last friday was a waking nightmare, but after calming down alittle on the weekend it looks like things will be going better. Oh, there are still issues of course. The stupidity of state laws, the pseudo-importance of money,(its just paper, why is it so necessary? You can't even eat it.) and the sheer ridiculousness of life in general, but if you dont laugh at it, it will just tear you apart, and leave you a gibbering drooling mess on the floor. And no one wants to have to clean *that* up.
I am just happy to be able to have my own space now, and not feel trapped in the Twilight Zone hell of Barracks 90210. It would make a great reality show though...

Tue, 06 Jan 2004 20:28:17 GMT

Its been awhile since I updated last. My weekend was busy, spent most of it on-call for the hospital, and got some weird calls. Long weekends make people do stupid things, I guess.
New Year's Eve was awesome though. Went to a Fetish Ball at one of the clubs. There were some really interesting costumes there, and I got lots of compliments and "where did you get that, and how can I get one?" on mine. Mine was lots of leather and chains. It turned out pretty well if I do say so myself. ;)
Finally got the boys' birth certificates, (had to have my Mom go and pick them up, and mail them to me) so I can continue with plans to bring them up here in March. I can't believe its only 2 more months. I am so excited! Only 2 more months!
Going house hunting this weekend, so I can have their home ready for them when they get here. I can't wait!

My day just got brightened!

Tue, 30 Dec 2003 22:06:52 GMT

Its good to have the support of friends and family in life. Even if its just a moment of kindness and positive energy sent your way, it means a lot. And some people's timing is perfect. Thank you LordofthePants! You rock!!

The joy of Christmas...

Mon, 29 Dec 2003 08:14:43 GMT

My Christmas was definitly not the best one ever. My Mom sent me a box of cookies, I'm just happy to know she was thinking of me. My Dad sent me a card, my friend Rachel took me out and we got pedicures and manicures. I had never had my toes done before, so that was pretty cool. I got to talk to my kids on Christmas morning. They are doing pretty well, and got tons of cool stuff. And Justice was pretty excited about the presents I sent for him and John. So there were some good moments,but overall, being away from my family and friends, it sucked pretty badly.
There was one pretty cool moment though. When asked "what do you want for Chistmas?" my standard answer is "a pony." Hey, we can all dream, right?
And I am now the proud owner of not one, but *two* My Little Ponies. Its good to smile again.

Mon, 22 Dec 2003 23:40:00 GMT

"I loved you - and my love, I think, was stronger
Than to be quite extinct within me yet;
But let it not distress you any longer;
I would not have you feel the least regret.
I loved you bare of hope and of expression,
By turns with jealousy and shyness sore;
I loved you with such purity, such passion
As may God grant you to be loved once more." - Pushkin

how fitting...

Mon, 22 Dec 2003 23:04:14 GMT

If they told you I'm mad, then they lied.
I'm odd, but it isn't compulsive.
I'm the triolet, bursting with pride;
If they told you I'm mad, then they lied.
No, it isn't obsessive. Now hide
All the spoons or I might get convulsive.
If they told you I'm mad then they lied.
I'm odd, but it isn't compulsive.

What Poetry Form Are You?

Fri, 19 Dec 2003 18:41:03 GMT

You are Lilith. Lillith represented childbirth,
sensuality and power. The legends of her
rebellion may cast her as the first feminist,
and as the first wife, the stories of her
decisiveness and her maternal power are intense
ones. Even though many see her as a demon of
her own making, Lillith also seems to represent
the acceptance of the self-truth, no matter
what its cost. She was sometimes seen depicted
with symbolic animals of royalty and wisdom.

Find Your Inner Bitch Goddess
brought to you by Quizilla

Interesting...

Thu, 18 Dec 2003 16:46:03 GMT

What Kind Of Superhero Are You? by electronicoffee
Your Username
Your First Name
Your Superhero Last Name	Lightward
Your Weapon	Reaper of Wind
Your 1st Superpower	Super Agility
Your 2nd Superpower	Lightning Breath

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Wed, 10 Dec 2003 00:22:57 GMT

I just got pictures of my kids in the mail!!!!! They are so big now! I can hardly believe how big they are. John has two teeth now, and Justice looks just huge. I got pictures of them in their Halloween costumes, and on the day they got their bikes. (a Hotwheels trike thingie, and a scooter) They are so adorable. I started crying in my office (which is *real* professional) when I was looking at them. I miss them so much. Just a few more months....